she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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