Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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