He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
