Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
