i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
