Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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