Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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