We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
