wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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