I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
this boner is exhausting
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
