god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
