mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just want nice things and good sex
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
