"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
