he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
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you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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