When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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