A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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