There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
