I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
