Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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