If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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