He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
