just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
