I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
