it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
