I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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