then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
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Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
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strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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