She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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