Define "chronic" masturbator.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
