The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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