I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
