you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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