it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
