$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
