forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
