I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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