Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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