Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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