I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
