No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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