you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
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I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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