i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
