I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
