The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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