idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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