I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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