So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
