Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
