so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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