I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
