Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
