Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
