Plan B is the new Plan A
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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