Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
