just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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